Pick On Me

Ok it's been a long hiatus but I've just read something I have to share. Again, from the Times, a piece about bullying, specifically girl bullies, even more specifically, little-teeny-girl bullies. What do you think? Is it worse now than it was when we were young? What's to blame? Who are these boors that condone bullying in their children as signs of strength, and who raised them?

Seems to me that being mean to other people might be hard-wired, something some or most people go through from time to time, especially when young, to test limits and establish social hierarchies, which, let's face it, are part of life. And in many cases, it's a revolving door: You're picked on, then you pick on, and so on and so forth. You learn from both experiences and hopefully don't grow up damaged or a total jerk.

How it's dealt with by adults, though, and whether it's reinforced or discouraged by the larger culture, may indeed have changed.

What have you seen? And can you draw a distinction down gender lines? Just last week, at the playground, I did see two little girls shun a third, telling her she couldn't play with them. They couldn't have been more than four. All were wearing some form of tiara; two with marabou accents. The shunned girl, who was, incidentally, taller and prettier than the other two (there I go making judgments, but I think it's worth pointing out) cried and hung back, but eventually followed along, and soon enough they were all playing together peacefully. A group of babysitters nearby gave the two tyrants a cursory admonishment to be nice, and the victim a standard, gentle "get back in there" push. All in all, a pretty typical scene, and no one overreacted. I wonder whether if there had been parents nearby the reaction would have been the same.

A few minutes later, Drew wandered up to them and they weren't having any of that, either. Which I totally understand. That's not bullying, not everyone has to play with everyone else, and kids aren't always civil or controlled in how they express their feelings. (Drew has been known to shout "DON'T SAY HI TO ME!" to kindly old people who say hello to him on the street. Mortifying, but true.) We should strive for kindness, of course, but sometimes it eludes all of us.

So, thoughts? I've put those of you who contribute or comment regularly on an e-mail list to be notified when there's a new post. Drop a comment if you'd like to be added to the list!