Time Out

This is going to seem a little strident on the heels of Mary's sweet Globe column, but I read it late last week and have been trying to find the time to post it here. It's the story of a boy who was put on antipsychotic meds when he was two. The whole thing is sickening, and sad, but when I read the part about the Legos with the Risperdal logo on them, I got really angry. I'm sorry: A drug not approved by the FDA for use on children under age 5 being marketed via a "promotional item" that is "not intended for children to play with" that happens to be LEGOS?!?

But since this is not a place for me to air my disgust with our pharmaceutical industry, nor even really to discuss extreme cases like Kyle Warren and his family's, let's move on to kernel in this story that applies to all of us: What Kyle really needed was overall parenting advice and support for Kyle's mom, with particular insight into her child's emotions and tips on dealing with them.

Which is exactly what I need, too, as Drew moves into the middle of his third year and becomes a little person who gets angry, sad, scared, and frustrated from time to time, and Jonathan and I are faced with helping him cope, managing the feelings that his emotions trigger in us, and trying to avoid the dreaded feedback loop, which is so real I can almost see it thrumming in the air between us. So I'll throw a question out there: Has anyone read any good books or articles about young kids and emotions, or emotionally sensitive discipline, or related subjects?

I've heard good things about "The Emotional Life of the Toddler," though I haven't read it. My very savvy Aunt Carrie bought me a couple goodies that I dip into and keep meaning to read start to finish: "Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child," and "Parenting from the Inside Out." And my mom's friend Karen bought me "200 Ways to Raise a Boy's Emotional Intelligence," which is helpful, in its Chicken-Soupy way.

Another parenting author whose work I stumbled upon (at a used bookstore on the Jersey Shore!) and appreciate for her no-nonsense, common sense style and focus on seeing the world through the child's eyes is Penelope Leach.

Overall, it seems to me the task at hand is to acknowledge the negative emotion and pause there for a moment without sweeping it under the rug, with the goal of teaching him that it's normal to feel bad from time to time, and then of course helping him find a healthy way to deal with the ickiness, and/or offering comfort and reassurance, but again, in the right measure, so he becomes self-reliant. And without minimizing whatever it is he's feeling. While getting out the door on time. It's tricky, right? Or is it just me?

Any recommendations? Or stories to share about "a ha" moments with your own kids?

By the way, the comments on Kyle's story are really good--including one from a mom who went on an anti-depressant herself to make it easier for her to deal with her son's tantrums!

Back to school

Here's a column from The Boston Globe to tug at the heartstrings as summer comes to an end. Thank you to my sister Debbie for passing it along.